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| Chapter 50 I want to bring this topic up before I forget. Ever realize some people just don't smell as nice? There are times when I'm at a certain place and I smell onions, or B.O. I smell it coming from a certain person, but can we say anything? I mean, are we supposed to sit back and not say anything because it's the nice thing to do? I have no clue. Now, I will admit, I've been a little down in the dumps. Okay, little is an understatement. Ever find out you get to do something you've been asking for for a long time, then have it all taken away from you and no one told you? So, for example, if you were promised a part as an understudy for one night a week or so ago, then the week before the play, you find out the person asked another person and wasn't kind enough to just tell you that you weren't going to be the understudy, when you've waited for a role your whole life, just to have it taken away from you. That's an example of how I feel right now. I don't even want to complain about my situation to anyone involved, because I don't want to sound arrogant. I just want to know why I wasn't told. Okay, my little hypothetical situation just became a bit more real. Darn. I just, I've never had a part and I was just hoping I could have that chance. And the person who was given the understudy part already has a part, so how fair is that? I'm not talking about my ego here now. I'm talking about fairness. Seriously, why cast someone who already has a chance at the spotlight? I've noticed that people expect me to be obnoxious and annoying, so they're not the ones who start up converstions with me. I'm always the one to start. Today, I'm going to keep my mouth closed, see if anyone notices. I didn't really talk much yesterday in drama, but no one really payed attention. It seems to me that when you're upset, more people will be there and tell you it's alright. But when you're fine, it's like you never existed. That's how it feels to me. I've been feeling like the world hates me. I know it's not true, but I can't stop telling myself that. I started watching Glee. I did say I didn't like it earlier and I don't really. There are parts that bug the heck out of me. I've only watched two episodes. On the website where you can view full episodes, they're missing episodes 1,2 and 3. I have watched episode 4 and 5. I like that guy who thinks he got the girl pregnant. Wow. Haha. I feel bad for that guy. | | |
| Chapter 49 Well, this morning my sister brought up that her favorite singer stated his opinion on childhood depression, mostly around the 13 year old age. My mom then asked, "Is he a physcologist?". What has that got to do with anything? I can have an opinion on depression, doesn't mean that it's truly scientifically correct, it's just from what I see in the world. Seriously. Then, my sister got mad because she was interupting, so I said "Tell me and if she interupts again, we're not going to listen." I know that was a bit rude, but seriously, she just wanted to state something she HEARD. It's not her opinion or anything. Just something she heard in the world. Why question other people on the past sometimes when it's not happening right here, right now, for you? Yesterday was a horrible day. It started off with me taking the SAT 2, for US History and English Lit. Then, I did the play. Well, during the play, people kept teasing me and looking at me weird whenever I'd state my own opinion. Which led me to really doubt they cared. Then there was this one instance where I went to get nachos during the play. I covered up, but these other two didn't. This girl saw me with the nachos and told me that I couldn't do that. Well, I wasn't the only one. I hate how people do that. They seem to like to blame me for their problems. And later on I found out that I could, she was just wrong. Then this sophomore bossed me around at Denny's. I know, it's not nice to put the fact that she's a sophomore in here, but seriously, she acted like she was much older than me. I hate how she does it, order me around because she thinks I'm weak. She ordered me to sit down and I called her something behind her back. I mumbled it behind my back and this other girl told me "it's rude to mumble", as if she didn't care about my feelings. Seriously, I'm older than them, they can't order me around like a lap dog. I understand if it's a nice, polite way, but when you order someone around, that's not right. This girl bugs me to no end. The other girl.... no offense, but in my opinion, she seems like a fake. Well, she is a bit bossy and seriously. She's one of those people who HAS to get her way. I felt like I was worthless, that no one cared. It's a horrible feeling. I contemplated quitting drama, because the people were a bit rude. Well, I'll have to get over those people and just do my own thing. I was so thankful for the people who comforted me after. Thank you. | | |
| Chapter 48 Today was the play... the first night performance. It was brilliant. I realize I am such a complainer. I have a lot to complain about. For drama, I can't wait till Seussical. It's almost here. And applications are just around the corner. Damn. Hopefully I'll be done with everything by December, then I can relax. Senioritis is kicking in. I like awesomeness... yeah. that was random. don't care life is full of surprises, so make the best of it. andrew said something today that made so much sense: "I love lies, but I don't lie for love"... something like that. And I think the class of 13 people are hella rude. | | |
| Chapter 47 Wow... I skipped a day. I was really lazy. Okay, so I had the play again today. Horrible. It bugged the hell out of me that people were talking in the audience. And I don't mean whispering, I mean saying it loud enough so that EVERYONE can hear it. When we went on, they were saying that we were "trolls", but then someone said that we were fairies. Come on. The other people in the cast didn't mind as much. I cared a bit more. I didn't really finish all my homework, but that's fine, since I can do it later. | | |
| Chapter 46 I haven't been really posting anything much on my blog, since I'm always really busy. Or I just am lazy. So, what's been going on? Today was the first show for A Midsummer Night's Dream. It was fantastic. Well, this girl got mad at me because I apparently blocked her way, but I didn't realize it. Seriously. I think she'll get over it. Drama people ... no offense, act like a really disfunctional family. I mean, it's like... my family... I guess. Here is something I started on. It's totally random. I have to change the city where the character lives though. IF only the thing in my head wouldn’t stop yelling at me. I feel as if everything is coming out at me and I have no room for it to go any further. Yet, it still moves on, like the little creep I know it is. Everything around me is moving faster than the speed of light, yet I’m going at the pace of a slug. Why me? Life is one hell of a bitch and just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, it bites you in the rear and cackles like an angry and triumphant witch. Everything was perfect, until that one day, the day I made my choice. I am not sure what came over me, but I felt as if it was the right thing to do, as if that very moment would decide everything for me. I can’t even describe the feelings of pure bliss, of pure ecstasy rolled into one. Everything will be explained in further detail as I recite my tale. You see, I’m just an ordinary girl living in the urban Pacifica, California. I have led a sheltered life, not knowing how cruel the real world can be. Oh, how I despise the term “real world”, as if there is another universe sitting on the other side of town. How can this be? What am I not seeing with my own eyes that they are seeing with theirs? Is there any reason why I should be afraid of the world? Yes, the answer is yes. Life won’t just tell you what you’ve got to do to survive. You have to play the game of life, and hope you come out… alive. But, as I’ve gone on way too long, here’s my story. As I have said before, I grew up in Pacifica, California, the city by the bay, or ocean. It’s always foggy in Pacifica, which is why we have a festival called “The Fog Fest” every year, to celebrate the fog. My two parents, Claude and Augustine, were workers for the big factory, out in San Francisco. | | |
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